A friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago she could not relate Daniela, the real person with Daniela, the blogger and Instagramer. It was not the first time someone had told me something like that.
These online platforms are very useful to share and promote stuff however, we tend to pass a perfect image of our lives. I always try to motivate and show an image of strong woman on my posts but the reality is: I am not better than others and I do question, doubt and cry about the decisions I make.
Today, I am bringing 2 two pages of my journal. 2 pages I wrote in May 2018.
I finally got to Brisbane to see my friend. As she said yesterday when she picked me up from the train station: “It has been 6 years since we saw each other.” We studied together in Paris. Life changed so much since then; I have done so many things…
Yesterday it was weird again. Hugging my friend, arriving with my backpack without anything apart from my feeling of freedom that only the road can give me.
On the other hand, sometimes I feel tired. Sometimes, I just wish I would have my own place and be happy as my friends are. But traveling has changed my mind so much that it becomes harder to be happy and enjoy fully. – When you have seen so much and experienced so much, sometimes it is difficult to related with others – people do not understand me (or I do not understand them).
Yesterday seeing my friend with someone made me feel a bit sad because I wish I had all she has: a stable life, a house, a boyfriend… However, every time I meet someone, I run away!
I am afraid of falling in love. Love has changed the course of my life several times and it has hurt me. Today, I am just too afraid. Afraid of being with someone and open myself fully to someone.
My dream of the USA is still in my mind but I honestly do not know what to do anymore. I keep postponing my life for something that it seems not to work at all. My friends keep telling me that I will get it but my scores and exams keep showing me the opposite. It is frustrating, tiring and I am losing faith and strength to invest myself on it. In the meantime, I keep traveling. I keep trying to find myself without knowing where to go.
I do not feel like I am at home in Portugal. I fear to go back to where (Paris) I used to live and face the ones who I used to call friends.
I met so many amazing people on the road but every time I asked them how they are, I found they have moved on. They have found their way and I am the only one who continues on the road looking for something I do not even know what.
I want to do my master, buy a house, have kids, travel the world, and have a corporate job. But at the same time, I don’t know how to organized myself and push myself to do things.
Share with me your doubts. I wanna know more about you. Have a great week. And whenever you feel you are lost in life, read this article! And remember: You are not alone, you are not alone. 😀
Beijinho,
Daniela