I just wanted to be normal

For many years, the only feeling was: ‘I just want to be normal.’

Many of you may think I have everything figured out – Far from it! For many years, the only thought I had was: Why can’t I be happy like my friends? Why can I not be content with my job? Why am I not  happy to have my little routine, job, boyfriend, and apartment?

It took me many years to realize I just did not fit in with what society called a good life. At 24 when I left Paris to follow my dream of traveling the world, I knew I was doing the right thing. Even though I was crazy scared, I knew it was time to run after things that made me happy. I could stay here till tomorrow saying how scared I was, but eventually with time I saw it pay off.

When I unlocked the fear a lot of things happened

The next four years passed so quickly that I cannot even describe. I traveled around South America, moved to Australia and later to the US to study. Three dreams I have always had, but these three dreams did not fit in a normal life… For a few years after my world traveling, I would ask myself almost every day: What the hell is wrong with me and my life. Nothing makes sense.

Later in 2019 already in Chicago

When I started looking for jobs in the US, I could not put my life together. I kept comparing myself and the fact that most people around me had worked in better companies, studied in better schools, had more experience. For many months I just thought my profile was too weak. I recalled being in a bar one night with a friend and telling him: ‘I just wanted to be a normal person.’ – I had this deep feeling of not belonging anywhere or fitting in anywhere.

One day

The idea that I was not being enough pursued me (as most of us will face in life) but as I started interviewing more, my confidence started to boost (as it will often happen to any of us).

Until the day I realized there were always two ways to look at my past: either as a failure or painting as a succession of uncommon experiences that made me who I am today. A past where I could love traveling, backpacking but also wear a suit and defend a model or business idea as no one else could. I did not have to fear judgment on my nationality or whatsoever because I could also speak three other languages. That was the day, not long ago that I started accepting myself a little bit more.

Loving and embracing each experience as unique, as mine

My path is not right or wrong. Because the good one for you may not make sense to me or vise-versa. No one will be ever able to help you on that. And that is often the mistake we make comparing ourselves to others and expecting the same results. I have learned, slowly and steadily that everyone is different and what makes me so happy may never make my friend or mom happy. Because we all look for different things, have different expectations, and dreams. Discovering ours and learning how to follow them is really hard-deep work.

I am on that way. I hope you are too. If not, tell me where you are struggling and why.

Bejinhos,

Daniela

Photo by Sasha Freemind & Roger Bradshaw & Debby Hudson on Unsplash